Gather 'round, my faithful council
I'm down bad with a case of the blues
See, I just took an L, that's a tough look for Hell
Ol' Lucifer don't like to lose

It was a haul back home from Georgia
Had my tail tucked 'tween my legs
I've never been outfiddled, but I'm damn well sizzled
Man, I went off like a powder keg
I knew smoke was all he wanted
Oh, he got it when he started to play
And I'd just struck a bet that I'd come to regret
'Cause that mortal sure knew how to slay
Have you heard this one before? There's a twist to the story
His instrument wasn't no fiddle (What it was?)
But he could make a man sing when he's playing that thing
And that thing was nothing I would call little (Holy fuck)

He said, "I'm no more an angel than I am any friend to thee"
But I raise a hand to Heaven
You ain't ever met a devil like me
Yeehaw!

Then I got to runnin' like a hog for slaughter cut free
'Til I stopped and thought
"Hold on, he's not the devil, I'm me"
I said, "Son, I'm the Dark Lord, are you some impostor? "
He responded, "Sorry, I just meant that I'm a monster"
Rumble time, bitch, click, click, boom, baddy
Papa 'Pocalypse, call me that or Doom Daddy
Because when I'm droppin' hits, even the Earth will move
I've already put half the universe under my boot
He was hardly one to battle
or I thought with all that prattle
Come to learn he could walk the talk (So hot)
From the barrel of his chest to the barrel of his best gun
Every part of him was fully cocked (Oh, God!)

He said, "I'm no more an angel than I am any friend to thee"
Listen up, if you been sinnin'
you don't simply get forgiven for free
I'll never be caught dead with a halo
but I wanna see you on your knees
You can count me once-outdeviled
Now I know how the devil does it
and he'll never do it better than me

Now heed these words, all my dear demonkind
This Doom Marine came in a tomb-y thing
With a lock that we got to find!

I've seen this man meet his maker
yet he stands the test of time
A mean, green, lean protein-eatin' machine
So overpowered that he's nigh divine
Right in the face of danger did he place his wager
But it wasn't for a fiddle of gold
Now he sits on my throne, and he can call it his own
'Cause that's what I bet against his soul (Goddamn it!)
He said, "I told you I'm good, better remember it well
I took your kingdom, but I can continue givin' you hell
Go tell your demons, soon I'll meet 'em if we haven't befo'
Bye to the devil you knew, hi to the devil you don't"
Well, that's great, today's Satan's termination
Got my job usurped by my worst creation
A god-made-man on a sacred campaign
Making work of Lucifer like he's playin' a game
Oh, how I've shamed myself letting him take my crown
What else to do but remove my horns?
Fuck it, I'm takin' 'em off, see, they were fake after all
'Cause I'm the Doom Marine of whom you've been warned

I said, "I'm no more an angel than I am any friend to thee"
If it's heatin' up in Georgia
I'ma give the Devil more than just tea
I'll never be caught dead playin' the fiddle
but I'll fire up a BFG
You can count me once-outdeviled
Now I know how the devil does it
and he'll never do it better than me

(Better than me)
(Never do it better than me)
(Never do it better than me)
(Never do it better than me)